literally had 100 drinks last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
