a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
