I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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