Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
