I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
