Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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