we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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