I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
