I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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