Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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