I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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