Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
