Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
