i think my tv is drunk
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im part way to drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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