Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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