Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
