my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
