Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
