i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
