great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
