Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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