she was so not down for the gang bang
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
