i jhust puked up my retainher.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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