this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
