I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
please come you make the beer taste better
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
