It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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