Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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