He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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