jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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