we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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