I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
