I'm really into asian looking animals
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
