She is in my trunk
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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