her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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