Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
