At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
