God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
