he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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