Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize