whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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