How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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