i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
