i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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