I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
