once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
