I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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