I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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