I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
