she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
