I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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