man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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