I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
