I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
