Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
