My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
