Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
