Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
