I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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