a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
