ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
