im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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