Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
