she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
